brain dumpJekyll2014-12-13T11:32:40-08:00http://bd.e-lite.org/christopher william holthttp://bd.e-lite.org/chris@tech4gold.comhttp://bd.e-lite.org/blog/anaplasticastrocytoma/its-been-a-while2014-09-02T14:35:00-07:002014-09-02T14:35:00-07:00christopher william holthttp://bd.e-lite.orgchris@tech4gold.com<p>I’ve been quiet here, but in truth I usually am, so I guess that’s somewhat appropriate. Sorry I lied to you about ‘more soon’ in the last post, but I seemed to have found a quantum of solace in going quiet, and getting focused. So let’s see what I’ve been up to…</p>
<p>I continued my radiation everyday, finishing it up on December 17th as planned. </p>
<p>Took my final chemo pill at 5:55am that day:</p>
<iframe src="//instagram.com/p/iBZXLXR0F2/embed/" width="306" height="355" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" allowtransparency="true"></iframe>
<p>Once that was completed I took some time off from chemotherapy. January 21st I had an appointment down at Duke to discuss my post-radiation treatment plan.
12 more chemotherapy sessions, but this time each lasts only 5 days – unlike everyday with radiation, however the dosage is much higher and taken right before I go to bed.
After the 5 days, I spend 23 days letting my body recover and support it in this process as much as possible.</p>
<p>Eat right, Sleep right, Relax right.
The idea is to attack my cancer using only Temodar and at as high a dose as possible without sacrificing significant quality of life. Then recover. Then repeat.
January 27th I started the first of my 60 total days. As of the writing of this I have completed 8 sessions (40 total days).
I’ve lost 45lbs since January 21st, mostly from eating better. I haven’t been drinking alcohol, and I don’t remember the last time I ate pizza, so I guess maybe that also helps.</p>
<p>Every two months to keep a close eye on my undying cells I’ve had a scheduled appointment with Henry and have had MRIs to go along with the visit, and things look great.
I’ll have to make a nice animated GIF of the progress, but there isn’t much to see (which is a good thing).</p>
<p>Some random thoughts…
It’s coming up on one year since the discovery of my tumor, I’ll have to plan something special for myself for that day.
Thank you so much to everyone who has donated via the GiveForward site, it has helped me immensely.
I continue to spend much of my waking life stressing over <a href="https://picturelife.com">Picturelife</a>, so if you want to help ease my stress go sign up for a plan and help us reach the level of success we are striving for.</p>
<p>I’m leaving out a lot, so if you have any questions please e-mail me <b>cwholt at gmail dot com</b>. Here is a picture of me from right when I wrote this (I am a bit exhausted and have been at an airport for 7 hours).</p>
<iframe src="https://picturelife.com/embed/ii3w5KXfIRuyRmoD" width="500" height="375" frameborder="0"></iframe>
<p>thanks for reading <img src="https://a248.e.akamai.net/assets.github.com/images/icons/emoji/smiley.png" style="height:20px;width:20px;vertical-align: middle;" /></p>
<p><a href="http://bd.e-lite.org/blog/anaplasticastrocytoma/its-been-a-while/">it's been a while.</a> was originally published by christopher william holt at <a href="http://bd.e-lite.org">brain dump</a> on September 02, 2014.</p>http://bd.e-lite.org/anaplasticastrocytoma/blog/chemo_calendar2014-11-12 20:00:00 -0800T00:00:00-00:002014-01-21T16:00:01-08:00christopher william holthttp://bd.e-lite.orgchris@tech4gold.com<style>
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padding:0px !important;
margin:0px !important;
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<p><br /></p>
<h1>current status:</h1>
<pre>
60 / 60 days completed
</pre>
<table>
<tr>
<th colspan="7"><center>chemotherapy calendar</center></th>
</tr>
<tr>
<th colspan="7"><center><a name="201401">january</a></center></th>
</tr>
<tr>
<td class="justanothergreatday"><center>26</center></td>
<td class="completed"><center>27</center></td>
<td class="completed"><center>28</center></td>
<td class="completed"><center>29</center></td>
<td class="completed"><center>30</center></td>
<td class="completed"><center>31</center></td>
<td class="justanothergreatdayfromanothermonth"><center>1 </center></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<th colspan="7"><center><a name="201402">february</a></center></th>
</tr>
<tr>
<td class="justanothergreatday"><center>23</center></td>
<td class="completed"><center>24</center></td>
<td class="completed"><center>25</center></td>
<td class="completed"><center>26</center></td>
<td class="completed"><center>27</center></td>
<td class="completed"><center>28</center></td>
<td class="justanothergreatdayfromanothermonth"><center>1 </center></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<th colspan="7"><center><a name="201403">march</a></center></th>
</tr>
<tr>
<td class="justanothergreatday"><center>30</center></td>
<td class="completed"><center>31</center></td>
<td class="justanothergreatdayfromanothermonth"><center>1 </center></td>
<td class="justanothergreatdayfromanothermonth"><center>2 </center></td>
<td class="justanothergreatdayfromanothermonth"><center>3 </center></td>
<td class="justanothergreatdayfromanothermonth"><center>4 </center></td>
<td class="justanothergreatdayfromanothermonth"><center>5 </center></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<th colspan="7"><center><a name="201404">april</a></center></th>
</tr>
<tr>
<td class="justanothergreatdayfromanothermonth"><center>30</center></td>
<td class="justanothergreatdayfromanothermonth"><center>31</center></td>
<td class="completed"><center>1 </center></td>
<td class="completed"><center>2 </center></td>
<td class="completed"><center>3 </center></td>
<td class="completed"><center>4 </center></td>
<td class="justanothergreatday"><center>5 </center></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td class="justanothergreatday"><center>27</center></td>
<td class="completed"><center>28</center></td>
<td class="completed"><center>29</center></td>
<td class="completed"><center>30</center></td>
<td class="justanothergreatdayfromanothermonth"><center>1 </center></td>
<td class="justanothergreatdayfromanothermonth"><center>2 </center></td>
<td class="justanothergreatdayfromanothermonth"><center>3 </center></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<th colspan="7"><center><a name="201405">may</a></center></th>
</tr>
<tr>
<td class="justanothergreatdayfromanothermonth"><center>27</center></td>
<td class="justanothergreatdayfromanothermonth"><center>28</center></td>
<td class="justanothergreatdayfromanothermonth"><center>29</center></td>
<td class="justanothergreatdayfromanothermonth"><center>30</center></td>
<td class="completed"><center>1 </center></td>
<td class="completed"><center>2 </center></td>
<td class="justanothergreatday"><center>3 </center></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td class="justanothergreatday"><center>25</center></td>
<td class="completed"><center>26</center></td>
<td class="completed"><center>27</center></td>
<td class="completed"><center>28</center></td>
<td class="completed"><center>29</center></td>
<td class="completed"><center>30</center></td>
<td class="justanothergreatday"><center>31</center></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<th colspan="7"><center><a name="201406">june</a></center></th>
</tr>
<tr>
<td class="justanothergreatday"><center>22</center></td>
<td class="completed"><center>23</center></td>
<td class="completed"><center>24</center></td>
<td class="completed"><center>25</center></td>
<td class="completed"><center>26</center></td>
<td class="completed"><center>27</center></td>
<td class="justanothergreatday"><center>28</center></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<th colspan="7"><center><a name="201407">july</a></center></th>
</tr>
<tr>
<td class="justanothergreatday"><center>20</center></td>
<td class="completed"><center>21</center></td>
<td class="completed"><center>22</center></td>
<td class="completed"><center>23</center></td>
<td class="completed"><center>24</center></td>
<td class="completed"><center>25</center></td>
<td class="justanothergreatday"><center>26</center></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<th colspan="7"><center><a name="201408">august</a></center></th>
</tr>
<tr>
<td class="justanothergreatday"><center>17</center></td>
<td class="completed"><center>18</center></td>
<td class="completed"><center>19</center></td>
<td class="completed"><center>20</center></td>
<td class="completed"><center>21</center></td>
<td class="completed"><center>22</center></td>
<td class="justanothergreatday"><center>23</center></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<th colspan="7"><center><a name="201409">september</a></center></th>
</tr>
<tr>
<td class="justanothergreatday"><center>14</center></td>
<td class="completed"><center>15</center></td>
<td class="completed"><center>16</center></td>
<td class="completed"><center>17</center></td>
<td class="completed"><center>18</center></td>
<td class="completed"><center>19</center></td>
<td class="justanothergreatday"><center>20</center></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<th colspan="7"><center><a name="201410">october</a></center></th>
</tr>
<tr>
<td class="justanothergreatday"><center>12</center></td>
<td class="completed"><center>13</center></td>
<td class="completed"><center>14</center></td>
<td class="completed"><center>15</center></td>
<td class="completed"><center>16</center></td>
<td class="completed"><center>17</center></td>
<td class="justanothergreatday"><center>18</center></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<th colspan="7"><center><a name="201411">november</a></center></th>
</tr>
<tr>
<td class="justanothergreatday"><center>9 </center></td>
<td class="completed"><center>10</center></td>
<td class="completed"><center>11</center></td>
<td class="completed"><center>12</center></td>
<td class="completed"><center>13</center></td>
<td class="completed"><center>14</center></td>
<td class="justanothergreatday"><center>15</center></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<th colspan="7"><center><a name="201412">december</a></center></th>
</tr>
<tr>
<td class="justanothergreatday"><center>7 </center></td>
<td class="completed"><center>8 </center></td>
<td class="completed"><center>9 </center></td>
<td class="completed"><center>10</center></td>
<td class="completed"><center>11</center></td>
<td class="completed"><center>12</center></td>
<td class="justanothergreatday"><center>13</center></td>
</tr>
</table>
<p><br />
<br /></p>
<p><a href="http://bd.e-lite.org/anaplasticastrocytoma/blog/chemo_calendar/">chemo calendar</a> was originally published by christopher william holt at <a href="http://bd.e-lite.org">brain dump</a> on January 21, 2014.</p>http://bd.e-lite.org/anaplasticastrocytoma/blog/cancer-within-head-part-102013-11-19T00:52:00-08:002013-11-19T00:52:00-08:00christopher william holthttp://bd.e-lite.orgchris@tech4gold.com<p><strong>Hospitals…</strong></p>
<p>It’s been nearly a month since my last post, and I Just completed my 12th appointment of radiation, which makes today my 19th consecutive day (in rubies: #{Time.now.yday - Time.new(2013,10,31).yday}) of oral chemotherapy. I am taking <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Temozolomide">Temozolomide (Temodar)</a>, and have been experiencing absolutely no side effects from the chemotherapy nor the radiation.</p>
<p>My schedule for the last few weeks has been:</p>
<ul>
<li>06:00 Wake up, get ready for the day.</li>
<li>06:45 Take <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ondansetron">Zofran</a> (dissolvable anti-nausea tablet).</li>
<li>07:00 Head to <a href="http://citibikenyc.com">CitiBike</a> @ Christopher Street between Hudson and Greenwich (please don’t take all the bikes, I need it), bike to the 6 @ Astor Place.</li>
<li>07:15 Take <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Temozolomide">Temozolomide (Temodar)</a>.</li>
<li>07:30 Arrive 68th Street / Hunter College, take M66 to York Ave or walk (are you seeing how great I’ve become at mass transit??).</li>
<li>08:15 Radiation appointment. I try to get there at 08:00 and am usually out by 08:10. Take hooded sweatshirt off, lay down on table, I close my eyes, my mask is snapped into place on my head, whirrwhirr/woooshwoosh and two minutes later I am done. Everyone at Stich Radiation(NYP) is professional, courteous and most of all friendly.</li>
<li>09:00 Arrive at <a href="http://picturelife.com">Picturelife NYC</a> down on 28th and Broadway to work on interesting problems, of which the past two weeks have offered plenty.</li>
</ul>
<p>So then, I start my day. I’ve found I don’t have as much time as I would like to continue trying to run, and have found that on this schedule I am going to bed as early as 9 or 10pm sometimes. However, on November 9th I was happy to have been involved with the <a href="http://hope.abta.org/goto/cwh">Breakthrough for Brain Tumors</a> 5k fundraiser, where my team raked in a total of $14,673.19 of fundraising, making us the 2nd place team. Incredible. I <a href="http://runkeeper.com/user/1193845308/activity/268148911?&tripIdBase36=4fnd0v">completed</a> the 5k “run” in an official time of 49 minutes and 31 seconds, my original very attainable goal was 50 minutes, so I was content.</p>
<p>My completion date for Radiation and Chemotherapy is December 17th.</p>
<p>So maybe I spoke too soon, because wouldn’t you know it, shortly after writing all of the above I began to eat lunch and noticed some hair in my salad. Turns out it was my hair, and it was falling out by the clump – mostly from the area where I am receiving radiation.</p>
<p>Here’s a pic from today:</p>
<p><a href="https://picturelife.com/p/dQwLIdVFuSMWACSJ/"><img src="https://picturelife.com/v/400/dQwLIdVFuSMWACSJ?ua=1385317239" alt="hair loss" /></a></p>
<p>Good thing side-shaving is in style, right? right? It looks pretty badass, and now you can really see the scar, instead of it just looking like a half assed bald spot. I’m still full of energy and cranking out improvements to Picturelife everyday. Hopefully writing this here now won’t backfire on me. I don’t believe it will. Also, apparently my beard won’t be stopped.</p>
<p><strong>Generalizations…</strong></p>
<p>Something I’ve been thinking a lot about lately is how extremely generalized Cancer is. For nearly all things in life, with greater context you should be able to intellectualize and comprehend them in a deeper manner. Given my own situation and behavioral personality (Myers-Briggs ISTP) I really have no choice but to try and understand as much as possible about my disease.</p>
<p>I know I’m beating it, and I know it could kill me. I believe it’s the latter part of that last sentence that stops not just people, but even industries of healthcare or massive fundraising organizations, from really understanding that cancer is extremely different from one person to the next.</p>
<p>A person’s cancer does not define who they are, but it is important to remember that it is a part of them, and we are all extremely and easily malleable to the point of health or death. The name of the charitable organization “stand up 2 cancer” - which probably does amazing things for the cancer suffering community - is a good example of what is lacking: the person whom has the cancer we are standing up to. Consider the difference: “stand up 2 cwh’s cancer” it’s now much more understood what is being fought for.</p>
<p>This is why I started this blog, and why I have attempted to be as transparent as possible with anyone who is curious as to what I’m going through. If there was some magic drug that cured all cancer, it would be wonderful. I’m of the school of thought that hard work and less broad spectrum therapy programs are what will work. The trouble is knowing what is right for each person, or even knowing that there exists the right suite of doctors for that person’s cancer. Like any other bug, it’s just a matter of troubleshooting. I just wish the fix was as simple, or as easily fixed, as [most of] the ones I come across at work.</p>
<p>Thanks for reading, more <strike>soon</strike> <a href="http://bd.e-lite.org/anaplasticastrocytoma/2014/09/02/its-been-a-while.html">in 9.5 months</a>.</p>
<p><a href="http://bd.e-lite.org/anaplasticastrocytoma/blog/cancer-within-head-part-10/">generalizations, hospitals</a> was originally published by christopher william holt at <a href="http://bd.e-lite.org">brain dump</a> on November 19, 2013.</p>http://bd.e-lite.org/anaplasticastrocytoma/blog/cancer-within-head-part-92013-10-25T09:36:00-07:002013-10-25T09:36:00-07:00christopher william holthttp://bd.e-lite.orgchris@tech4gold.com<p>It has been just over one month since my discharge from the hospital from my craniotomy.</p>
<p>Each day I wake up I have this sense of trying to find something that I can fix about myself .. my own internal to do list.
I’ve changed a lot about my diet, while it could still be much better (and likely smaller portions), As for my diet, I have been eating a lot of salmon and chicken and vegetables, and not much else.
I started running – let me say this is not something I wanted to write here because it’s so early, but it feels good and I expect to continue as much as possible. <a href="http://runkeeper.com/activity?userId=25759098&trip=260978485">On my second run</a> and I was able to keep a consistent, albeit slow, pace for just over a mile. I’m going to turtle the shit out of running. Slow and steady.</p>
<p>On November 9th I’ll be doing the <a href="hope.abta.org/goto/cwh"><strong>Breakthrough for Brain Tumors 5K</strong></a> – which I will attempt to run (slowly). Please join me as a walker/runner or donate to the cause! There are much more serious brain tumors out there than mine, and it’s a world I’ve only recently been brought into.</p>
<p>My radiation and oral chemotherapy has been scheduled. On October 31st I will start the first of 30 radiation sessions (monday-friday, with two days off for thanksgiving/good behavior). My last session will be December 13th. Once that is complete new MRIs will be taken, I’ll have an appointment with Henry down at Duke to go over how everything is going, and likely finish off the oral chemotherapy with 5 days a month for 6 to 12 months.</p>
<p><strong>Side effects!</strong></p>
<p>I’ll probably lose hair in the radiated areas, and although the chemotherapy is supposed to be very low side effects, the way the medicine works is to kill rapidly dividing cells – which includes the cells that grow hair! We’ll see how that goes, it will grow back.</p>
<p>My hope is that by the time the short radiation session is over I’ll have enough time to be able to casually walk from the hospital to my office and enjoy my entire day.</p>
<p><strong>Supplements</strong></p>
<p>Per Gaynor, my integrative oncologist, I have been making these amazing antioxidant shakes each morning, black raspberry powder, red fruits powder (PaleoReds), green powder (Phyto Formula), olive leaf complex, fruit anthocyanin (omg this is so good, like concentrated wine). Mixed with a base of almond milk, a cut up banana and two kiwis, and blend altogether.</p>
<p><a href="https://picturelife.com/p/72VUlAx2QSEqaLd/"><img src="https://picturelife.com/v/400/72VUlAx2QSEqaLd?ua=1382734863" alt="stuff in the shake" /></a></p>
<p><a href="https://picturelife.com/p/RuNWjRGeL0aV6T9X/"><img src="https://picturelife.com/v/200/RuNWjRGeL0aV6T9X?ua=1382734162" alt="shake" /></a> <a href="https://picturelife.com/p/3fcX2d3bchQD7Gx/"><img src="https://picturelife.com/v/200/3fcX2d3bchQD7Gx?ua=1382734095" alt="shake" /></a></p>
<p>I have been feeling great, and been back at work quite strong. Today we even managed to make another hire of a close friend of mine who will be starting in a couple weeks.</p>
<p>Here’s a scar picture for the hell of it! Hair still growing back stronger than ever.
<a href="https://picturelife.com/p/WBLoMn4AUxPI8eE/"><img src="https://picturelife.com/v/400/WBLoMn4AUxPI8eE?ua=1382735819" alt="scar" /></a></p>
<p>This weekend I’m installing Fabspeed RSR headers and exhaust on my 993 – maybe look out for a non-cancer related blog post about that, it should be interesting.</p>
<p><a href="https://picturelife.com/p/sbsTmTgjn1SDpV/"><img src="https://picturelife.com/v/400/sbsTmTgjn1SDpV?ua=1375383361" alt="993" /></a></p>
<p>That’s all for now, more once radiation and chemo starts! Thanks for reading :)</p>
<p><a href="http://bd.e-lite.org/anaplasticastrocytoma/blog/cancer-within-head-part-9/">anaplastic amelioration</a> was originally published by christopher william holt at <a href="http://bd.e-lite.org">brain dump</a> on October 25, 2013.</p>http://bd.e-lite.org/anaplasticastrocytoma/blog/cancer-within-head-part-82013-10-16T23:53:00-07:002013-10-16T23:53:00-07:00christopher william holthttp://bd.e-lite.orgchris@tech4gold.com<p><strong>Walter White:</strong> The hell with your cancer! I’ve been living with cancer for the better part of a year. Right from the start it’s a death sentence. That’s what they keep telling me. Well guess what? Every life comes with a death sentence. So every few months I come in here for my regular scan knowing full well that one of these times, hell! Maybe even today, I’m gonna hear some bad news, but until then.. Who’s in charge? Me! That’s how I live my life.</p>
<p>This quote is from <a href="http://movies.netflix.com/WiPlayer?movieid=70236042&trkid=7882979&t=Breaking+Bad%3A+Ssn+4%3A+Hermanos">Breaking Bad: Season 4, Episode 8 (Hermanos)</a>.</p>
<p><a href="http://movies.netflix.com/WiPlayer?movieid=70236042&trkid=7882979&t=Breaking+Bad%3A+Ssn+4%3A+Hermanos"><img src="https://picturelife.com/v/400/wOzClwRcQ9aib2D?ua=1382007634" alt="walter" /></a></p>
<p>My roommate Ben is in the process of rewatching all of Breaking Bad, and so I saw the clip with that quote last night and thought it quite relevant to my recent situation.
While my prognosis is much more positive and my cancer is extremely different from that of Walter’s, the bit about being in control is extremely relevant.</p>
<p>With some things, not at all. My October 7th afternoon return flight from Duke was cancelled and then delayed, and instead of getting back to New York to see my friend Maxine perform at Birdland Jazzroom, I got home around 10PM. Unfortunate, but not the biggest of the problems I am facing. I sat with my sister Cristina in the Admiral’s Club and she had 5 glasses of free white wine until we were able to hop onto another flight.</p>
<p>The following week made it more clear who is in charge. Starting from Tuesday:</p>
<ul>
<li>Picturelife team dinner (Nate, Jacob, Joe, Phil, Evan, Myself) at <a href="http://lafayetteny.com/">Lafayette</a> (one of my new favorite restaurants in NYC)</li>
<li>Dentist appointment (haven’t been in a year, so this is as good a time as any, right?)</li>
<li>Neurologist appointment - I was put on Keppra as a prophylactic for seizures in the ER while I was in Chicago, I would like to know if I need to stay on this.</li>
<li>Cardiologist appointment - I was put on Amolodopine (high blood pressure medicine) post-craniotomy, likely due to the surgery. My BP has been much better since then, but it’s possible it’s because of the medicine I am on. I would also like to know if I need to stay on that.</li>
<li>Deltron 3030 show at Brooklyn Bowl (holy shit, this was amazing)</li>
<li>Verizon FiOS install at apartment (thing I was maybe most excited about)</li>
<li>Ayn Rand’s Anthem (off-broadway production)</li>
<li>Initial Radiologist appointment with Dr. Wernicke</li>
<li>Finally, off to the Adirondacks for the weekend.</li>
</ul>
<p><strong>The outcome of all that..</strong></p>
<p>I have to have a filling replaced and possibly another root canal (i’ve had 4 in my life).</p>
<p>I’m in great neurological health, but need to do a 24hour EEG to check my brain electricity levels before getting a recommendation of staying on or dropping off Keppra, which I’m doing right now!</p>
<p><a href="https://picturelife.com/p/RrJtowNCxKXne8R/"><img src="https://picturelife.com/v/200/RrJtowNCxKXne8R?ua=1381966855" alt="eeg" /></a>
<a href="https://picturelife.com/p/diWDGj6ROSE0s84B/"><img src="https://picturelife.com/v/200/diWDGj6ROSE0s84B?ua=1382009996" alt="eeg" /></a></p>
<p>My heart is strong, and my blood pressure will continue to be monitored, and I have a follow up in a month to see if I need to stay on the blood pressure medicine. There is nothing of concern here though.</p>
<p>As I said, the Deltron 3030 show was amazing. That’s Dan The Automator on the right conducting the Deltron 3030 Orchestra.</p>
<p><a href="https://picturelife.com/v/original/vh1nSOg8YpNH66b?ua=1382010302"><img src="https://picturelife.com/v/400/vh1nSOg8YpNH66b?ua=1382010302" alt="deltron" /></a></p>
<p>My scar continues to heal extremely well (This photo from October 10th):</p>
<p><a href="https://picturelife.com/v/original/iKtTGmNoiwMKTq?ua=1381402444"><img src="https://picturelife.com/v/400/iKtTGmNoiwMKTq?ua=1381402444" alt="scar update" /></a></p>
<p>My FiOS is awesome.</p>
<p><img src="http://www.speedtest.net/result/3039013538.png" alt="fios" /></p>
<p>Radiologist appointment went extremely well. Dr. Wernicke is an amazing person and I am again lucky to have added another caring, inspirational, and extremely complete doctor to my team. We discussed tentative schedules for radiation and oral chemotherapy, which should start in a few weeks, and scheduled me for a follow up appointment on October 15th to build my radiation mask (more about that later).</p>
<p>In the Adirondacks I got to chop down a tree for firewood use using <a href="http://www.wetterlings.se/the/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=72%3Aswedish-forest-axe&catid=36&Itemid=57">my axe</a> that I was given by my friend Antony for my birthday a few months ago.</p>
<p><a href="https://picturelife.com/p/VueBt4dFlFOUOYV/"><img src="https://picturelife.com/v/200/VueBt4dFlFOUOYV?ua=1381616727" alt="tree" /></a>
<a href="https://picturelife.com/p/BvaCmoILltisTA/"><img src="https://picturelife.com/v/200/BvaCmoILltisTA?ua=1382011107" alt="tree" /></a></p>
<p>Cathartic.</p>
<p>Back on tuesday to Dr. Wernicke’s office to get my radiation mask built, the purpose of this mask is to make sure my head is in exactly the same position each time so that when radiation is going it is in the same exact place each time. After building the mask they do a CT scan and build the radiation plan and schedule (of which I am waiting to hear back about).</p>
<p>Check out my mask!</p>
<p><a href="https://picturelife.com/p/ESwsFS4ZcxRByfBT/"><img src="https://picturelife.com/v/700/7yzddLwNcdHlVKG?ua=1382011466" alt="mask" /></a></p>
<p>I also got to see the titanium in my head from the CT scans they did. It looks like I have little titanium spaceships in my head.</p>
<p><a href="https://picturelife.com/p/RjiiOa89NcmtIgF/"><img src="https://picturelife.com/v/700/7mCLigaH2GvZh9p?ua=1382011604" alt="titanium" /></a></p>
<p>After the mask building I had another great appointment with Dr. Gaynor, this time my little sister Marisa joined me – she is smitten with him. We did some bloodwork, some meditation, some more discussion about what to expect from chemotherapy as well as a deeper understanding about the supplements I am on. I got a flu shot as well as some B12. My testosterone levels were marked as low, so I’ve been prescribed AndraGel 1% (really? chopping down trees doesn’t help my testosterone???). I also just discovered <a href="https://play.spotify.com/artist/6ka2wOkDLuCFskzoy0KF9q">Dr. Gaynor is on Spotify</a> – Check out the two Introduction tracks.</p>
<p>So today I complete my 24hour EEG monitor, and I should be hearing back soon about when my radiation will start. Once I know that I will be able to build my schedule for taking the oral chemotherapy. All that’s left this week is my follow-up dentist appointment, and next week I only have one appointment schedule with Dr. Gaynor.</p>
<p>Current tentative schedule for radiation is 6 weeks of 5 days a week (10-15 min sessions each day), and Temodar each day for the entire 42 days. Once radiation is complete there will be a continuing of oral chemotherapy that will only be 5 continuous days of the month for 6-12 months. Post radiation I will have another MRI that Henry and his team down at Duke will check out to see my progress, and I will be visiting him shortly after that.</p>
<p>I’m excited to get started.</p>
<p><a href="http://bd.e-lite.org/anaplasticastrocytoma/blog/cancer-within-head-part-8/">who is in charge?</a> was originally published by christopher william holt at <a href="http://bd.e-lite.org">brain dump</a> on October 16, 2013.</p>http://bd.e-lite.org/anaplasticastrocytoma/blog/cancer-within-head-part-72013-10-16T00:00:00-07:002013-10-16T00:00:00-07:00christopher william holthttp://bd.e-lite.orgchris@tech4gold.com<p>A couple days after meeting with Dr. Gaynor, he called Henry to let him know about my situation.
The reason to include Henry is that he is at the forefront in the field of Brain Tumors.</p>
<p>That same day I had travelled back to Chicago with my NYC roommate and long-time friend Jack to clean up my apartment and some paperwork regarding moving back to New York, also mainly to drive my car back to New York.
Henry called me and spoke with me the entire ride from ORD to my aparment in the south loop. If you’ve ever been in traffic on 90/94 you know this can take a long time.
We spoke for an hour about what I’ve been going through and about visiting him in Durham, NC the following Monday – this was all on Wednesday, October 2nd.
He needed my pre-op and post-op MRI, as well as my pathology slides from New York Presbyterian Weill Cornell fedexed to him by that Friday so that he had material to go off of, and so that – most importantly – he could do his own tests and come to his own conclusions about my diagnosis.
I was able to get in touch with NYPWC and organize to get all of the materials made available, and my wonderful sister Cristina fedexed them down on Thursday. Surprised that all worked out, was impressive turn around time by the hospital (it was estimated to take 5-7 days).</p>
<p>My sister Cristina would be joining me for the trip to Durham, NC – Specifically, the Preston Robert Tisch Brain Tumor Center, of which Henry is the Deputy Director – and roundtrip flights were more than $900 per person. Whoa. I checked out amtrak and discovered a $100 per person 10-hour amtrak train.
Then, I discovered one way first class return flights from Durham to LGA were only $250 per person, making the entire travel relatively cheap. Booked.</p>
<p>I got back to New York on Saturday morning after stopping off in Washington, D.C. to see a <a href="http://mdrrock.blogspot.com/">Middle Distance Runner</a> show (first show in 4 years, and they played a lot of new music).
Sunday morning 7AM we left for Durham, NC. The train was amazing and went by very quickly.</p>
<p>I took a photo out the window:</p>
<p><a href="https://picturelife.com/p/EniNf4aN5GnJUTpG/"><img src="https://picturelife.com/v/400/EniNf4aN5GnJUTpG?ua=1381922373" alt="out of train" /></a></p>
<p>Besides closed down businesses, that’s what it looked like most of the time. We got into Durham around 5:30pm, arrived at our hotel, went on a 3 mile walk on a loop around the Golf Course, had dinner at Bull Durham Bar, then off to bed.</p>
<p>The next morning I met Henry at the Brain Tumor Center.
What I was wearing: Hoodie, Jeans, Sneakers.
What Henry was wearing: Hoodie, Jeans, Sneakers.</p>
<p>This is great.</p>
<p>Henry explained what he could offer me, mainly being my authoritative source on everything anaplastic astrocytoma, keeping in close contact during my treatment, monitoring my MRIs and checking that all my proteins and mutations are correct to confirm that my treatment is working correctly.
What a blessing. Henry wants to be the person that stares down each and every single cell of cancer in my head until it dies. He says I’m at a fork in the road, and that I have a decision to make.</p>
<p>“Would you like me to be involved?”</p>
<p>My response was straight forward. This is not a fork in the road. You are saying I have two options, include you in my life, or don’t. I was not able to see a path that did not involve Henry, so the choice was obvious.</p>
<p>He asked me to stand up, we hugged, and off he went back to being a cowboy, finding new therapies and cures for Brain Tumors that are much more serious than my own condition. Before leaving he made sure I had his cell phone, pager, e-mail, and let me know I could call him any time I wanted.</p>
<p>Incredible.</p>
<p><a href="http://bd.e-lite.org/anaplasticastrocytoma/blog/cancer-within-head-part-7/">meeting Henry</a> was originally published by christopher william holt at <a href="http://bd.e-lite.org">brain dump</a> on October 16, 2013.</p>http://bd.e-lite.org/anaplasticastrocytoma/blog/cancer-within-head-part-62013-10-10T22:33:00-07:002013-10-10T22:33:00-07:00christopher william holthttp://bd.e-lite.orgchris@tech4gold.com<p>Positive thinking. I have long considered myself to have a disposition for being generally happy.
While I may not be smiling ear to ear – my cheeks start to hurt when I smile too much – it has always been an internal state I strive to be in.
I learned to control this state by using a casual passive meditation process with my breathing.
For me, just thinking about breathing can calm and realign everything I am thinking about.
I breathe slow and deep, thinking about every ounce of air filling my lungs.
I imagine my lungs oxygenating my blood and traveling up to my head, where my mind is in entirely in control of the perception of my world around me.
I wouldn’t be surprised if my mind releases a bit of dopamine each time I take a breath. I truly enjoy every single one.</p>
<p>I was referred to <a href="http://gaynoroncology.com/about-gio/">Dr. Mitchell Gaynor</a> by a friend’s doctor as a top choice for creating and handling my treatment plan, my first meeting with Dr. Gaynor was on September 30th. Please read more on his website, he has an incredible practice.
This treatment plan would start the cleanup process for what remains of my tumor cells.
I’ve learned Dr. Gaynor is the type of doctor that had at one point reached the absolute top of his medical field, and then said to himself “there’s gotta be more areas for improvement”. He didn’t stop.
Making his own meditation CDs (<a href="https://itunes.apple.com/us/artist/mitchell-gaynor-m.d./id668570732">on iTunes!</a>), having his own speaker systems built that produce specific inaudible frequencies that the brain still perceives and responds to, understanding in detail that diet – what you put into your body on a daily basis – has a huge effect on your healing.
These are just some of the examples of how he builds a whole mind and body treatment plan to keep you in the best of health. I was extremely excited to have found him. His caring and kindness were obvious from the start.</p>
<p>More than just holistic practices, I will be starting what i’m calling a tag-team cleanup of radiation and oral chemotherapy. I actually have an appointment with my Radiation Oncologist, <a href="http://nyp.org/physician/gawernicke/">Gabriella Wernicke, M.D.</a> in just 2 hours.
The tentative schedule is 6 weeks of radiation, 5 days a week, while at the same time taking 42 days straight of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Temozolomide">Temodar</a>. I’ve been told the side effects will be minimal, and I am an extremely hearty person.
Post-radiation therapy there will be another 6-12 months of oral chemotherapy for 5-day periods of each of those months.</p>
<p>A few days after meeting with Dr. Gaynor he called me and asked if I wanted to go meet <a href="http://neuro.surgery.duke.edu/faculty/details/0096574">Henry S. Friedman, MD, Deputy Director, The Preston Robert Tisch Brain Tumor Center</a>. Why yes, I do indeed want to meet him. Check out this <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=efjZUHDGPbY">60 Minutes</a> episode about him!</p>
<p>More about my visit with Henry in my next post, and if you’re reading this Henry, Hello!!</p>
<p><a href="http://bd.e-lite.org/anaplasticastrocytoma/blog/cancer-within-head-part-6/">TAG TEAM cleanup, aisle brain</a> was originally published by christopher william holt at <a href="http://bd.e-lite.org">brain dump</a> on October 10, 2013.</p>http://bd.e-lite.org/anaplasticastrocytoma/blog/cancer-within-head-part-52013-10-09T22:33:00-07:002013-10-09T22:33:00-07:00christopher william holthttp://bd.e-lite.orgchris@tech4gold.com<p>“Say it out loud” I kept telling myself.</p>
<p>In the most simplest of terms: <strong>“I have brain cancer”</strong></p>
<p>Still when I say it I can feel a hesitation after I say the word brain, and then you feel your throat close up a tiny bit starting to say the first c in cancer.
Most mainstream media and entertainment teach us cancer is a death sentence. My aunt recently passed away from terrible pancreatic cancer, and it was extremely emotional.</p>
<p>So how do I intellectualize a death sentence? Decide it’s not one.
Understand that every single person’s cancer is different.
My cancer is unique to me. <strong>My cancer</strong>. I accepted it. It’s a part of me, for now.
I believe my mind has known on a physical level for a long time that there exists this nemesis in my head.
I believe my cancer grew into “just the right spot to be resected”(quote from a doc) because that’s where my mind told it to go.</p>
<p>“Oh, you’re gonna be moving in? Alright, but please go over here so I can eventually get rid of you easily.”</p>
<p>What an annoying roommate.</p>
<p>If you say it out loud, and please do, “Chris has brain cancer”, please imagine yourself saying it with me, and with no hesitation.
Right now, my stage 3 anaplastic astrocytoma (here on known simply as brain cancer), although mostly resected there is still some lingering up there, is just as much a part of me as every other piece of my mind, and my personality.
One day it will no longer be with me, but for now I’ve decided to learn as much about it as possible in an effort to intellectualize and continue to round it up and get it ready for complete cell death.</p>
<p>On Monday, September 30th, 11 days after craniotomy, I got my staples and sutures taken out.</p>
<p><img src="https://picturelife.com/v/400/E6ubSPcORTzgnFUF?ua=1381401353" alt="staples removed" /></p>
<p>Holy shit did this feel so much better. I had been off percosets or any pain management medicine for a week, having not needed it (and honestly, preferring to get back to having normal BMs), but when the staples were taken out my skin was able to readjust and the pressure reduced quite a bit.</p>
<p>My older sister took <a href="https://picturelife.com/p/VXgpZJc9I6PoWrxd/">some video</a> of removing the staples, it’s pretty cool looking albeit a bit gruesome.
I apologize for the vertical video orientation (pet peeve of mine).</p>
<p>During that process I was also informed I have a titanium plate and screws in my head where the skull was put back together. Sweet. I got upgraded.</p>
<p>I was really surprised to see how well the scar was healing only 11 days after my head was cut open. <a href="https://picturelife.com/v/original/cmKQ6vthjVnsVqA?ua=1381401974">Closer up picture of scar (some scabbing)</a>. You can also see the nurse missed removing a suture on the left, which my beautiful and extremely supportive girlfriend Kay got out a few days later using two of my steak knives. And look at all that hair growing back already, it’s unstoppable.</p>
<p>Although I’m trying to write all this up in chronological order as much as possible, let’s fast forward to today and show you what it looks like at this second, click for high-resolution:</p>
<p><a href="https://picturelife.com/v/original/iKtTGmNoiwMKTq?ua=1381402440"><img src="https://picturelife.com/v/400/iKtTGmNoiwMKTq?ua=1381402440" alt="0day scar" /></a></p>
<p><a href="http://bd.e-lite.org/anaplasticastrocytoma/blog/cancer-within-head-part-5/">the diagnosis, say it out loud.</a> was originally published by christopher william holt at <a href="http://bd.e-lite.org">brain dump</a> on October 09, 2013.</p>http://bd.e-lite.org/anaplasticastrocytoma/blog/cancer-within-head-part-42013-10-08T23:30:00-07:002013-10-08T23:30:00-07:00christopher william holthttp://bd.e-lite.orgchris@tech4gold.com<p>So now I’m home. I’ve got a bandage on my head covering a nice 10” long zipper of staples, and the swelling in my eye has nearly disappeared. My right eye is still having some issues with brightness sensitivity so I bought some awesome sunglasses that could fit over my bandage comfortably.</p>
<p><a href="https://picturelife.com/p/sP9V7WfNDxsHREv"><img src="https://picturelife.com/v/200/sP9V7WfNDxsHREv?ua=1380037733" alt="home" /></a>
<a href="https://picturelife.com/p/OwgQbGATGGl1eml"><img src="https://picturelife.com/v/200/OwgQbGATGGl1eml?ua=1381315241" alt="hat and glasses" /></a></p>
<p>I was told when going through my discharge process that the pathology report would take until Tuesday or Wednesday, and that they would let me know as soon as they have the information about the biopsy of the tumor that they took out. The pathology report would tell us exactly what the tumor is.</p>
<p>So what do I do now? Sit on my ass until I get some news? Sure, but i’m going to do it the best way I know how. I ordered my favorite pizza from Seamless, Bleecker Street Pizza Nonna Maria w/ pepperoni.</p>
<p><a href="https://picturelife.com/p/72456"><img src="https://picturelife.com/v/400/72456?ua=1381316120" alt="pizza" /></a></p>
<p>I decided to try and start getting back to normal life as much as possible. The next day I got to meet with a friend Phil about the possibility of him joining Picturelife – which I’m excited to now say he has joined and been working hard on for almost two weeks at the time of writing this.</p>
<p>Pampered myself with a manicure and a pedicure with my friend Ben. After being in the hospital for days I wanted some uber pampering.</p>
<p><a href="https://picturelife.com/p/EO3Utrv4mOxOTUq/manipedis_with_my_main"><img src="https://picturelife.com/v/400/EO3Utrv4mOxOTUq?ua=1381316730" alt="manicure pedicure" /></a></p>
<p>A few days later my little sister Marisa moved from Los Angeles to NYC, that made me very happy.</p>
<p><a href="https://picturelife.com/p/RmQ8Ev5iRR4LSwjE/"><img src="https://picturelife.com/v/400/is6wor35TJiaENQF?ua=1381317056" alt="marisa and me" /></a></p>
<p>But back to my tumor… once the pathology came in I was able to speak with <a href="http://weillcornellbrainandspine.org/clinical/olga-akselrod-pa-c-mcms">Olga Akselrod, PA-C, MCMS</a>.</p>
<p>What they removed from my head was in two pieces. Both are classified as Anaplastic astrocytoma, WHO grade III. The main tumor was 4.5 x 4.5 x 2.3cm in size, and a smaller piece just 0.6 x 0.6 x 0.1cm. Still, I had something bigger than a golf ball just chilling in my head. My neurosurgeon estimated that it was growing anywhere from 10 or 15 years!</p>
<p><strong>Direct from Pathology Report:</strong>
Microscopic description: The tumor consists of a dense proliferation of neoplastic astrocytes in a background of brain parenchyma. The tumor cells show cytologic atypia with nuclear pleomophism, high N/C ratio, and occasional mitosis. No significant endothelial proliferation or necrosis seen.</p>
<p>I have no idea what some of that means, but I got started looking up exactly what <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anaplastic_astrocytoma">anaplastic astrocytoma</a> is. There is some scary stuff on that page.</p>
<p>However, here’s what applies to my situation. My tumor was in an extremely good place to be removed, and I had Dr. Scwhartz, arguably the best neurosurgeon in New York City, to remove it.
While there was potential for neurological damage from the resection, I am happy to say I am in 100% physical working condition.</p>
<p>As for my mental health, I feel better than I have in my entire life. Each day I am now waking up at 6AM with 100% energy, ready to get started. I have never been a morning person, and my mind always hated changing states – wake to sleep or sleep to wake – it would take me an hour of laying in bed to go from one to the other.
Now i’m able to get to sleep within 5 minutes, and when I wake up I feel rested and have not moved the entire night.</p>
<p><a href="http://bd.e-lite.org/anaplasticastrocytoma/blog/cancer-within-head-part-4/">what did they take out of my head??</a> was originally published by christopher william holt at <a href="http://bd.e-lite.org">brain dump</a> on October 08, 2013.</p>http://bd.e-lite.org/anaplasticastrocytoma/blog/cancer-within-head-part-32013-10-07T23:30:00-07:002013-10-07T23:30:00-07:00christopher william holthttp://bd.e-lite.orgchris@tech4gold.com<p>“Your tumor could not be in a better place,” has said nearly every doctor that has looked at my MRI scans, in regards to a resection and general neurological impact.
<strong>So get it the hell out!</strong> So that’s what they did, and remarkably well.
My surgery started at 07:30, I fell right asleep on the OR table, and woke up looking at a clock that said 13:30. It’s over? It was over, this part. I was stable albeit elevated blood pressure. They gave me some Tylenol with some water and I threw up all over myself and my sister Cristina. Oops, sorry.
Below you can see the resected area which has filled with blood/fluid. These MRI scans are 30 mins pre-op and 3 days post-op.
I’ve also got a titanium plate in my head now, which I have yet to see a good xray or picture of, but in the post-op mri it’s somewhat noticeable.</p>
<p><img src="https://picturelife.com/v/original/7PjXIk9fYV0faaD?ua=1381230854" alt="resection mri" /></p>
<p><a href="https://picturelife.com/v/1000/iZedJhxPZWWRBpF?ua=1381230757">higher res pre-op mri</a>,
<a href="https://picturelife.com/v/1000/EmmONeR45cf8YDlv?ua=1381230762">higher res post-op mri</a></p>
<p>My older sister Cristina has been with me since returning to NYC to be my sidekick throughout all of this. One side effect of the surgery was that my jaw was incredibly, and still is, sore to the point where I cannot open it all the way.</p>
<p>Cristina would proceed to use these frozen-water sponges, which we called “Sponge Pops”, to ice the area a bit. They melted quickly, so we would go through 5 or 6 in a few minutes, and repeat every 15 minutes until I was able to drink water at midnight.</p>
<p><img src="https://picturelife.com/v/400/E3LakkCHVl3Rj8?ua=1381231225" alt="sponge pops" /></p>
<p>My right eye swelled shut as if I was punched in the face, I assume from the draining of the swelling skull area.</p>
<p><a href="https://picturelife.com/p/wMJ585rFPEmeASV/swell"><img src="https://picturelife.com/v/400/RggV06rJ7ZUeAe98?ua=1381231558" alt="swole" /></a></p>
<p>But as soon as I was able to get up out of bed and move around and sit in a chair, by around 4PM that day it started to come down, and I was even able to order my Apple iPhone 5S.</p>
<p>I was given some cool stickers.</p>
<p><img src="https://picturelife.com/v/400/10XAzJP40UmiVab?ua=1381231645" alt="cwh" /></p>
<p>As for my physical recovery from the head trauma, I was in nearly no pain (I have an excessively high threshold for pain), but I was dying of thirst. Around 10PM a member of the neurosurgery team came to do an assessment and said I could be on solid foods and water as soon as I liked. water. give it to me. I also would not stop asking for Harmless Harvest Coconut Water.</p>
<p>The nurses Katie and Mary Ann in the Burn Unit ICU (where there was an available bed for me post-op) were absolutely amazing. They looked over me for 24hours before I was moved to a new room in the neurosurgery unit ICU, where I would spend the next few days recovering.</p>
<p>The bed was a little short.</p>
<p><img src="https://picturelife.com/v/400/eGw2WT9WT1vUNy?ua=1381238693" alt="short bed" /></p>
<p>Many of my family and friends came to see me, and they brought all sorts of cards and gifts and hoodies.</p>
<p><a href="https://picturelife.com/p/iZ67OB6pnrPZXrS"><img src="https://picturelife.com/v/400/iZ67OB6pnrPZXrS?ua=1381231829" alt="grumpy cat" /></a></p>
<p>warning.. slightly gruesome image below.</p>
<p>first time seeing bandage off, and you can see eye was much better. this picture is from Sunday, September 22nd at 06:58.</p>
<p><a href="https://picturelife.com/p/NfAyu9SeQCLlPyq/gnarly_will_be"><img src="https://picturelife.com/v/400/NfAyu9SeQCLlPyq?ua=1381232536" alt="no bandage" /></a></p>
<p>Recovery was extremely uneventful, outside of finding a show called <a href="http://www.history.com/shows/chasing-tail">Chasing Tail on the History Channel</a> about hunting overpopulated deer in rich Connecticut communities.</p>
<p>My older sister continued to be by my side at all time, even sleeping in her chair bed. She is amazing.</p>
<p><img src="https://picturelife.com/v/400/Hpbs1RJVSEusQA?ua=1381233092" alt="chairbed" /></p>
<p>In the morning on Monday, September 23rd, my entire neurosurgery team crowded into my room and said “How are you feeling, strong? Do you want to go home today?”</p>
<p><strong>Yes.</strong></p>
<p>And so at 2PM my sister gave me a strawberry hat to wear and I rolled out, and home to the west village.</p>
<p><a href="https://picturelife.com/p/RQrd8hHmRunEItB/"><img src="https://picturelife.com/v/400/RQrd8hHmRunEItB?ua=1381233283" alt="selfie" /></a></p>
<p>( lol @ dad’s cell phone )</p>
<p><img src="https://picturelife.com/v/400/KHuaC4s3h8pCw7w?ua=1381233178" alt="roll out" /></p>
<p><a href="http://bd.e-lite.org/anaplasticastrocytoma/blog/cancer-within-head-part-3/">the craniotomy</a> was originally published by christopher william holt at <a href="http://bd.e-lite.org">brain dump</a> on October 07, 2013.</p>http://bd.e-lite.org/anaplasticastrocytoma/blog/cancer-within-head-part-22013-10-07T16:00:00-07:002013-10-07T16:00:00-07:00christopher william holthttp://bd.e-lite.orgchris@tech4gold.com<p>“can you let the team know i’m unavailable” was my next text to Jacob. I realized I had to step away. As someone who has provided some sort of Internet service to paying customers nearly every day of my life since 1994 this was an extremely hard mental shift for me to make. I am now my own top priority, and I can’t fix this problem with keystrokes. Time to get this shit dealt with.</p>
<p>The project manager in me took over – I didn’t know I had one, or maybe I didn’t really want to admit to myself that I am apparently quite good at it. I’ve always preferred my hermitic technical abilities.</p>
<p>On the morning of Friday, September 13th the Neurosurgery team at Northshore Evanston – mainly <a href="http://www.northshore.org/apps/findadoctor/doctor.aspx?pid=7882">Egon Michael Doppenberg, M.D.</a> and <a href="http://www.northshore.org/apps/findadoctor/doctor.aspx?pid=8918">Ryan T. Merrell, M.D.</a> – discussed with me in detail as much as they knew at the time. Without knowing the exact type of tumor they scheduled a full body CT scan and confirmed that what I have is a primary brain tumor (likely a type of glioma) and not lymphoma. Additionally, it was explained that I would require surgery as soon as possible to remove the tumor.</p>
<p>It’s then I realized I had no real idea where I was in Chicago at the time. Northshore Evanston.
I pulled out my iPhone, loaded Google Maps, waited for GPS to lock.
This is not where I wanted to be. Spending years in New York City you develop a constant sense of awareness for exactly where you are at all times.
I did not have that in Chicago.
When I was moved from Northshore Skokie to Northshore Evanston I had absolutely no idea where or how far I had gone.
I had to go home.
Some synchronicity here is that due to some changes at Picturelife, the day before my MRI I had decided to move back to New York within a few months.
This stepped that schedule up.</p>
<p>I reached out to my very close friend Andrew for assistance in finding the best doctors to talk to in New York, and within a few hours was out of the hospital in Chicago with a plan to return to NYC.
The next day I hopped on a flight to New York.
The morning of Monday, September 16th I had a consultation at New York Presbyterian Weill Cornell with <a href="http://weillcornell.org/mmsouweidane/">Mark M. Souwedaine, M.D.</a>.
Dr. Souwedaine brought in <a href="http://weillcornell.org/tschwartz/">Theodore Schwartz, M.D.</a> who went into much more detail about the surgery that needed to be done, and we scheduled it for 07:30 Thursday, September 19th.</p>
<p>A picture of me from the night of Monday, September 16th spending time with some close friends:</p>
<p><img src="https://picturelife.com/v/400/w3NILNVCZGyw0UK?ua=1381203671" alt="hair" /></p>
<p>So i’m going to have a craniotomy. Let’s cut all this damned hair off (Thanks <a href="http://barberbart.com">Barber Bart</a>!!).</p>
<p>24 hours later:</p>
<p><img src="https://picturelife.com/v/400/6Zoh2oqE9UkNpR?ua=1381203589" alt="bald" /></p>
<p>The following days before surgery were spent just seeing friends and family and generally being overwhelmed with as much positive energy as possible.</p>
<p><a href="http://bd.e-lite.org/anaplasticastrocytoma/blog/cancer-within-head-part-2/">can you let the team know i'm unavailable</a> was originally published by christopher william holt at <a href="http://bd.e-lite.org">brain dump</a> on October 07, 2013.</p>http://bd.e-lite.org/anaplasticastrocytoma/blog/cancer-within-head-part-12013-10-06T23:29:28-07:002013-10-06T23:29:28-07:00christopher william holthttp://bd.e-lite.orgchris@tech4gold.com<p>I moved from New York City to Chicago on December 1st, 2012 to join the majority of Team Picturelife working out of Jacob DeHart’s magical Spaceship Collaborative office in the west loop of Chicago.
Chicago was brand new to me. I am born and raised in New Jersey, and went to high school in Connecticut. For 6 years before moving to Chicago I lived in the beautiful west village of NYC.
In the springtime(March?), I noticed that I started to have allergies mainly in the form of feeling congested – I felt exactly like one of those Claritin commercials. I tried some over the counter, but nothing helped and it was very mild so I mostly ignored it.</p>
<p>Over time, my symptoms developed more into headaches and migraines. I visited a doctor and did some tests, and he confirmed that it’s likely migraines. I was prescribed some NSAIDs and Sumatriptan. This seemed to work for a week, but then the migraines came back.
I decided to make as many changes to my life as I was really comfortable with. My entire life I probably did not go to bed before 2AM, and wake up until 8AM. This has always worked for me. I decided to start sleeping before 11PM, and try to wake up at 7/8AM. This did not help. I would wake up continuously throughout the night, periodically in so much pain that I would have to throw up.
Other changes included diet – no coffee, no alcohol, no bread, no gluten – each roughly for 3 weeks at a time. Nothing helped. Vision problems started to develop and I noticed my right eye was much more degraded than the left, this was one of the first real physical and continuous symptoms that was more identifiable.</p>
<p>This lead me to research what may cause this, and eventually came across <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Idiopathic_intracranial_hypertension">Idiopathic Intracranial Hypertension (IIH)</a> or called by other names: benign intracranial hypertension (BIH), pseudotumor cerebri (PTC).
A close friend found a very good neuro ophthalmologist in the Chicago area, and I ended up seeing <a href="http://www.eyedoctorseyecare.com/meet-our-doctors/russell-leboyer-md/">Russell LeBoyer, MD</a> within a week or so. My appointment with Dr. LeBoyer was on September 10th, 2013 at 13:00.
Dr. LeBoyer did a slew of tests, confirmed that I had a swollen optic nerve as well as some hemmoraging in the back of my right eye. This was good news to me, it meant there was something identifiable that something was wrong. Dr. LeBoyer began to tell me about IIH/PTC and I informed him I had discovered that just the other day.
The thing about IIH/PTC is that you have all the symptoms of a brain tumor (increased pressure of the cranial fluids), but no brain tumor. In order to confirm that you don’t have a brain tumor, you get an MRI. Within 20 minutes Dr. LeBoyer had me scheduled on Thursday, September 12th for an MRI, and on Friday, September 13th for a Lumbar Puncture (see more <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Idiopathic_intracranial_hypertension#Treatment">here</a> for IIH treatment process).</p>
<p>Although I was slightly nervous about the MRI, I was extremely excited to consider that I might start feeling a whole lot better very soon.</p>
<p>On September 12th, 2013 I drove myself to the hospital at Northshore Skokie, went and did some bloodwork and then headed over to the Radiology department for the first ever MRI that I have had in my life. As someone who absolutely loves everything about science as a way to better understand one’s self, I was genuinely excited to have my mind shown to me in such a manner.
The MRI process took about an hour and although I was listening to classical music the whole time, the audio was really not loud enough to drown out the rhythmic magnets, and I found myself feeling as if I was at a concert of some band from 40 years in the future. I liked it.</p>
<p>Post-MRI, I was informed Dr. LeBoyer wanted to immediately discuss some next steps with me. A thought that crossed my mind was that I did so well and was so still during the MRI that they wanted to congratulate me (This is seriously something they should do - gamification of hospital procedures?).
Unfortunately, the discussion was that they had found an abnormal mass in my right front temporal lobe.</p>
<p><img src="https://picturelife.com/v/100/SCY5gZv0uUe4Dj8?ua=1381146851" alt="brain tumor" />
<img src="https://picturelife.com/v/100/sj369fd15fwZOqQT?ua=1381146851" alt="brain tumor" />
<img src="https://picturelife.com/v/100/nGgYVb8uxyH6L05z?ua=1381146851" alt="brain tumor" />
<img src="https://picturelife.com/v/100/seqGmJkPx2ihKWCz?ua=1381146851" alt="brain tumor" />
<a href="https://picturelife.com/a/r8Cw1U7dIGa3Pz">MRI-1 photo album</a></p>
<p>Wow. I have a <em>brain tumor</em>. <strong>Cool</strong>. An explanation. What happens now?</p>
<p>Although I felt fine, I opted to take the safer and suggested route and check myself into the ER right then and there. Dr. LeBoyer had arranged for this to happen for me and had already discussed early next steps with <a href="http://www.northshore.org/apps/findadoctor/doctor.aspx?pid=7882">Egon M.R. Doppenberg, MD</a> - coolest name ever, vice chair, clinical operations, department of neurosurgery.</p>
<p>Hello, what brings you to the ER today? Yes, thank you, I’ve been informed I have a brain tumor, but I feel fine. They started me on some anti-seizure medicine (preventative, i have never had one) and transferred me over to Northshore Evanston Hospital via ambulance, where Dr. Doppenberg and the neurosurgery team is based.</p>
<p>I don’t remember too much about what happened next, or how I began to inform people about what was going on. First message was to my co-worker Jacob, “MRI was abnormal, which means brain tumor, so checking into ER.”</p>
<p>This has been part one of an undetermined amount of posts regarding my ongoing diagnosis and treatment, check back soon for more!</p>
<p><a href="http://bd.e-lite.org/anaplasticastrocytoma/blog/cancer-within-head-part-1/">cancer within head</a> was originally published by christopher william holt at <a href="http://bd.e-lite.org">brain dump</a> on October 06, 2013.</p>http://bd.e-lite.org/omgpop/blog/why-i-left-omgpop2013-01-09T08:29:28-08:002013-01-09T08:29:28-08:00christopher william holthttp://bd.e-lite.orgchris@tech4gold.com<p>My last day at OMGPOP/Zynga was August 2nd, 2012. In order to explain why I left, it’s probably best to understand exactly the function I performed first. When I began work in August 2010 we had roughly 5 million registered users (As I am not sure of the specifics I am not going to mention MAU/DAU metrics). Our sole web property was OMGPOP.com and it looks roughly the same now as it did then. For those 5 million users we had 3 Backend engineers, and I was lucky to be on that team. It consisted of Jason Pearlman, whom I’ve known now for 15 years (nearly half of my life), and Chul Park. For those two years not a day went by where there wasn’t a challenge that we sought to overcome by implementing elegant, albeit usually scrappy, solutions.</p>
<p>Just before the launch of Draw Something (DST) we were somewhere around 22 million registered users, and still the same 3 Backend engineers. Looking back, the time spent at OMGPOP before DST just seems like a bunch of friends cutting their teeth on some fun Internet experiments. When DST launched that all changed, and it became a “scale or die” situation. (The latter was by no means an acceptable option) Most of my memories between the launch and the date of my departure is quite a blur. I think I gave up a fair amount of my personal “shelf space” of memories in order to retain our ever-expanding and changing architecture, which allowed me to rapidly consider new creative solutions for the relentless demand. There were many times we had to rewrite a core service in a new architecture, or even a new language, on the fly and say, “OK, that will scale to at least another 5x,” then go to sleep, wake up, and find that the demand was already at more than 10x. This would repeat. It was an amazing
feeling to continually overcome these extremely complex challenges with such minimal resources. Little did we know we actually built an infrastructure that could grow far beyond anyone’s initial expectations of what was needed. There was no single command or magic approach we used to do this, it was only through those long days and hard work that a natural balance between all of our systems came to be.</p>
<p>There have been many numbers discussed regarding DST’s success, but my personal favorite will always have to do with the concurrency that we reached. For many days we achieved a constant rate above 3000 drawings completed per second. On average, each drawing took 30 seconds to complete, which means each second there were 25 hours of content being created. I believe it was also right around this time that Google launched their “One Hour Per Second” marketing campaign for videos being uploaded to YouTube. For me, this put into perspective what we were doing. While I would never directly compare ourselves to Google, as YouTube is an entirely different beast altogether, the numbers spoke loudly.</p>
<p>After weeks of exhausting hours, sometimes getting only 30 minutes of sleep a day, game plays started to display a more predictable growth pattern. (Mostly because people were no longer playing for an excessive 3 hours per day) At this point we were able to relax a bit. At some point during all of this activity the company was bought by Zynga. When I was being told about the news I believe I had my Macbook with me and was not paying attention, as I was probably dealing with some new problem that presented itself earlier that morning. When I began to realize what was being said I slowly shut the lid, and knew that I could safely pause for a few minutes.</p>
<p>That feeling of pause did not last too long. Within a few months after the acquisition we migrated our entire infrastructure over to Zynga’s private data centers. During this migration we documented in detail all the “moving parts” as well as all the different “scale points.” We handed off most of the daily support of basic issues and routine maintenance to Zynga’s extremely talented and personable engineering support teams. At this time things, from a backend development perspective, started to slow down. I now had the time to reflect and fully understand the incredible feat we achieved. I knew I didn’t want the energy to stop. I could hardly sleep, and when I did it was for way too long. My back started to hurt, and for a couple weeks I had trouble walking and doing normal activities. It was like being an addict going through withdrawal. Once I recognized this I knew I couldn’t stay. The one thing I knew I would miss was the culture. If you take what I’ve just written and replace all of the technical nonsense with friendship, and all of the hard work with happiness, that’s exactly what the culture was.</p>
<p>During these two years we were building an amazing team of over 50 people who would do anything for each other. If one person started slow clapping, the entire office would join and eventually erupt into cheers and whistling—we never needed a reason to celebrate. This was before, during, and after DST. DST was a product of the culture that we all built together, and that culture was bulletproof. I think Zynga knew this, and they respected the hell out of us, so we only continued to get stronger once we had some awesome parents in the valley to support us. I knew that these fellow ‘Poppers, who I would get La Colombe coffee with at 9:45am after each of our morning scrum updates, would be lifelong friends. It tore me apart to leave, but while I’m still relatively young I knew I needed to take risks and possibly make mistakes now, rather than later in life. I left what was essentially my family for this newfound addiction of pushing myself to extremes, that had been presented to me from what might have been a singular life opportunity. I really hope it works out, because it’s hard to imagine life being any better than it was, at least as far as I can remember of my times spent in a happy blur.</p>
<p><a href="http://bd.e-lite.org/omgpop/blog/why-i-left-omgpop/">why i left OMGPOP/zynga</a> was originally published by christopher william holt at <a href="http://bd.e-lite.org">brain dump</a> on January 09, 2013.</p>